You’ve been thinking about writing your memoir for years. Maybe decades. You know the stories cold and have probably relayed them to friends and family or even your private journal. You know what you want to say, but when you sit down to write, something unexpected happens.

You freeze.

It’s harder than you thought.

It isn’t the mechanics of writing or finding the right words. It’s harder because the memories are so vivid. Some are acutely painful and many are tangled with others, making documenting them confusing.

This is something I see all the time in my work as a ghostwriter. People come to me confident that they’ve lived through the experience and have had years to process it. But when they try to put words on a page, they realize that writing about your life is a different animal entirely.

What should be included?

How do you share those raw emotions?

This is all common and is actually part of the process. You’re on the right path.

Why Memoir Writing Hits Differently

There’s a reason writing your memoir is one of the most powerful things you can do, and why avid readers devour them. As a memoirist, you must relive the experience and render them honestly for the reader who wasn’t there.

Normally when you remember an incident or relay it to another, you keep it at a comfortable distance. You don’t re-experience the moment. It’s just a story. However, when you write about it, really allow yourself to share the moment, you need to pick up specific details, and relish in your senses. You’re not just recalling; you’re reconstructing.

You’re putting yourself back in the room.

While this can be exhilarating, for many, it’s disorienting, and for some it’s downright painful.

The Moments You’ve Almost Forgotten

When I work with a client, we are sometimes deep in conversation about their life. Usually, we’re in the middle of a huge event, one they’ve hashed over a few times with friends and family, but something unique almost always happens.

They remember a detail they hadn’t considered before. It’s a long forgotten nugget of memory that had been sitting just out of reach.

These vignettes aren’t always dramatic so they get buried. And it turns out that small, half-forgotten thing is a lynchpin, explaining a great deal.

This is one of the reasons I spend so much time in conversation with my clients before we write a single word. Most people are eager to start banging out a first draft, but you need to take a step back and collect the recollections. For me, coming up with the right question, asked in the right moment, can bring one of these memories back into the light. And when it arrives, both of us know it.

If you’re writing on your own, give yourself permission to wander. Follow the breadcrumbs to the jewels. Explore and splurge on the discovery.

Some Practical Ways to Keep Moving

If you’re feeling the weight of your story, please don’t stop writing. It actually means you’re doing all the right things. Keep going. You’re close to something really great!

Here are some things that might help you continue:

Give yourself permission to write badly at first. The first pass doesn’t have to be beautiful; it just needs to exist. Words on the paper. That’s all you’re going for now. It’s much easier to edit something than nothing; trust me. Get the events down, even if the wording is clumsy.

Write toward the meaning, not just the events. There’s an important adage in writing: Show Don’t Tell. I write about it a lot. Write to the reader so they can become immersed in your book. What do you want them to gain from the scene you’re writing? Aim for that.

Don’t rush the emotion. If you find yourself tearing up or needing to step away, record what is happening in the scene. You’re doing the hard work and it will resonate with readers. Of course, if you need to take a break, that’s completely fine. Come back when you can, and keep going.

A Word About Working With a Ghostwriter

One of the things my clients tell me they didn’t expect is how much it helps to have a collaborator during this process. Not just for the writing itself, but for the emotional navigation of it.

When you’re working with someone you trust, you don’t have to carry the weight of the story alone. You can say, “This part is hard for me,” and figure out together how to approach it. A good ghostwriter isn’t just a writing technician. They’re a witness to your story.

I had a client who was thoroughly wrapped up in a past event that haunted her deeply. She and I worked through everything that had happened and put several key puzzle pieces together. I had the advantage of having outside eyes and I could see things she couldn’t. In the end, she cried with relief as together we solved a decade-old mystery that had been plaguing her. She was free.

Together we found a way to share this revelation so that the readers could experience her joy as if they were right there with her.

It is my privilege and honor to work with my clients, helping them become authors of their life stories.

Your Story Is Worth the Difficulty

If you’ve been putting off starting because you’re not sure you’re emotionally ready, let me offer you this: you may never feel completely ready. The stories that matter most to tell are often the ones that are hardest to share.

You don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re curious about working together, I’d love to hear about your story. Reach out and let’s talk about where to begin.